Honey, I feel sorry for the kids

You know you’re an adult when someone asks ‘when are you having children?’

But you know you’re truly an adult when you reply to this question by … signing up to a bunch of Burlesque classes in an act of female rebellion.

Me: I’m a dignified member of society
Also me: How do I join the circus?

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If, like me, you’ve reached an age where people put their societal expectations on you (by sharing their desire for you to procreate), it’s helpful to start charging them per comment.

This way, you can afford the luxuries in our economic climate – like groceries and heating.

There’s a lot to consider with having children today, beyond our primeval need to reproduce.

There’s the casual thoughts like ‘how do I give my child future prosperity while providing them with the necessary survival skills needed to navigate a world filled with political corruption, fake news, racism, social media as a tool for unethical influence, the devaluing of the arts, profiteering, global warming, depression, sexual misconduct, AI and the arrogant assumption that once we’ve f***** this planet up we can propel ourselves off onto Mars to ruin it over there too?’

Then there’s the more pressing questions, like ‘how do I explain the Kardashians?’

Therapist: ‘how are you getting on with not wearing the weight of the world on your shoulders?’

Me: *tumbleweed*

Then there’s the natural ups and downs of relationships. Physical and physchological hurdles. Asking someone when they are going to have children forces them to visit a part of themselves they may not be ready to face – creating a need for hope and answers.

(Or in my case a sudden and unexpected desire to dance freely in a room full of strangers. My burlesque era is a surprise to everyone in my life, least of all me.)

It was at this point my friend told me a funny anecdote about society’s views of what’s acceptable when it comes to breeding:

You (single)

Society: when are you getting a boyfriend?

You (gets boyfriend)

Society: when are you getting married?

You (gets married)

Society: when are you having a child?

You (has child)

Society: when are you having the second one?

You (has second child)

Dramatic pause

You (has third child)

Society: bit much that.

It can be helpful to look back at family members and ask ‘what did they do?’ The obvious answer is they reproduced otherwise I wouldn’t be here to question it.

I come from a long line of matriarchal women who between them married, divorced, remarried, never married, had their own children, adopted, were adopted, never had children.

There was also the time at a family party when I was 4 years old, my mum caught them in the kitchen feeding me brandy (legends) before she swiftly moved me away. Conforming clearly wasn’t their strong point.

Their characters were not defined by their reproductive systems – it was their capability to take ownership of the path life laid out, and they won at it through humour.

Some people are all aboard the baby bus, some are grappling which path to take in life and some people are going through something.

There is no obvious answer to when are you having children but there is the opportunity to reflect on how comfortable we feel in a world which is increasingly harder to be a child safely and to raise a child comfortably.

Ps. This was a helpful article Questions for a better life. Thank you to The Guardian.