The Quarter Life Crisis

Crappy Birthday

It was only the other day when a bird pooed in my hair and I didn’t notice until a stranger on the bus offered to pick it out with a tissue (thank you stranger) that I realised life in my twenties isn’t as glamorous as I imagined it would be. 

To add to the chaos, I recently turned 26 which (apparently) means I’m no longer officially a young person. So now I’m just a person who listens to Craig David’s ‘7 Days’ on full blast whilst swanning around Manchester with bird shit in my hair.

To celebrate the depressing occasion of turning another year older (and being no longer eligible for a young person’s railcard) I decided to spend the day eating fuck loads of cake. 

The Veruca Salt in me always makes an appearance when Birthday cake comes out, so good luck to anyone who wants a slice!


As I had my cake and ate it too, I remembered that being a young person hasn’t come without its hurdles…..

Age 7: falls over music system wires at primary school fate (cue all music stopping) when running to collect a tombola won face paint set. 

Age 14: hobbles through school on crutches (complete with braces and oversized backpack) after spectacularly breaking ankle on friend’s trampoline.

Age 19: survives the ‘where’s all the loo roll and who stole all my forks?’ reality of uni halls.

Age 25: accidentally buys glow in the dark bikini bottoms – scaring everyone in the steam room away with my light up crotch.

The other day: bird shits in hair.

My actual face.

But as anybody superstitious will tell you, a bird pooing on you is meant to bring you good luck and fortune. 

Hopefully, this is a sign that my adulthood is set to be less clumsy than my youth (but hopefully equally as entertaining) and full of success and riches. So, I guess all I have to do now is wait for the millions to roll in so I can pay off all that student debt…….

(Ps cake was really nice and I had a really lovely birthday – I’m not a grumpy guts, promise) x


36 thoughts on “Crappy Birthday

  1. I was walking home from work the other week and a bird crapped on my shoulder. First time it’s ever happened to me – 32 years of leading a beautiful life… and then this! THEN THIS!!!!!

    I’m from the North West as well, seems like a bird poo plot may be burgeoning on these fair shores. This shall not stand! I’m going to wear a hat from now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well Happy Birthday, for a start!

    As for my luck – I now walk around with my head tilted RIGHT back so I can see if any birds fly over head, at which point I can dash out of the way. So, no further bother! I have been run over 12 times since I started doing this, though.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nonsense! I now have a good excuse for being late to work. “I was run over again” etc.

    Anyway! I am now going to make some tea. Assam with Vanilla by Clipper – hunt it down. It’s epic. Have a glorious day, madam.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Many happy returns of the day… (Regardless of the inconsiderate bird)
    Quarterlife crisis? Hmmm. Well you do have a few milestones ahead of you:
    30 crisis.
    40 crisis.
    I will turn 32 in December for the third time…
    (Count your blessings and say Hello to Sir Paul for me)
    (Oh, that’s right, ‘e’s fr’m Liver-pool, right?)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t know about this bird poo good luck thing but I hope it does. I have to say you’re been through your trials but the light up bikini bottoms made me laugh.
    As for being old? Nah… You’ll realise at 40 you were still a kid and you only grow old if you let it. Like I have. Boo!
    Happy belated birthday ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can relate to this, I’ve been dreading my birthdays since I was 17, which I now think is ridiculous. I could only dream of being that age again. I’ve always had a bad perspective on age and thought that getting numerically older meant that you had to be more mature. Well, people certainly will have expectations but I don’t have to force myself to grow up mentally. I’m just glad I’m not the only one who feels this way, thank you for sharing your experience and I’m glad you’re shifting your view to a more positive one! I’ll have to learn from you hahah


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