What a tool

Once upon a time, you’d find me at the bar questioning my life choices. Nowadays, I’m in the hardware shop questioning why all my money is spent on sanding blocks and door knobs.

I recently moved in to a new house with my husband. If I’m not frantically battling the steam mop, I’m trawling through every product Tool Station has to offer.

This reached a romantic height when in true Romeo & Juliet style, I opened the window to look out over our (overgrown) garden. My husband, on the lawn, looked up at me, longingly, then said the line every self-respecting adult wants to hear – “right, I’m just off to Wickes”.

Adulthood tasks, like moving house, are never straightforward. We learned this the hard way during a recent trip to B&Q.

For you frequent DIYers (or criminals) you’ll know that certain tools are essentially considered as weapons. This was bad news for us and our big plans for our latest house project.

It had been a tense trip,. Early on, I’d lost my husband in the tile section. I then hurried to find him in the hope of avoiding a tannoy announcement.

“Could the woman who took nearly every paint sample card come to the help desk and collect your husband. Also, I’d like to remind you that you have house magazines at home – put it down!’”

Thankfully, we reunited at the till. To our horror, we were asked by the cashier to provide identification to purchase a wire brush.

My husband, with fear on his face, looked at me to double check that he was, in fact, old enough to do DIY.

It was an intense few moments as we passed the test. After all, our grey hairs and early morning weekend trip to the DIY shop were big giveaways that we are definitely in our 30s.

Then – on the way out – we clocked the ice cream van! There’s nothing like being ID’d for a wire brush and then rushing out the door to get a Nobbly Bobbly and Zap.

The moral of the story is – no matter how grown up we try to be, millennials will always have an inner child ready to rush to the nearest ice cream van in the event of an adulthood mishap.