London

You know you’re an adult when you take a trip to London.

But you know you’re truly an adult when you still get excited at the prospect of going to the big city.

First up was getting the train, which comes with all the anxiety that everything will go horribly wrong. Losing my ticket. Train cancelled. Bus replacement service.

Or, worse, your shoe falling off down the side of the train and onto the track as you’re boarding – forcing a staff member to retrieve it with a litter pick.

This is exactly what happened to my friend and, honestly, if it was me I would have just got on with one shoe and cried for the entire journey.

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Unfortunately, something even more terrible happened – I discovered chai lattes. From Starbucks. This meant that I instantly had to get out my MacBook and do some very important creative writing.

Tell me you’re a w*nker without telling me you’re a w*nker.

Having arrived safely, the first stop was celeb spotting. On my last visit there was a commotion on Baker Street, followed by whispers of ‘did you see them?’ No, I did not see them (Matt and Emma Willis) because I was too busy looking at croissants in a pastry shop window.

Then there was the time a Hollywood A-lister sat opposite me and my friend at lunch. Did I notice? No, I was too busy shoving asparagus into my face, missing my mouth and realising I’m not cut out for these places.

Did I see any celebs on this visit? Probably, I’m clearly not the person to ask.

Next up, it was time to enjoy the quirky activities on offer. And where better than to spend the afternoon at the Novelty Automation Museum?

I’m not talking Tetris and Pacman, I’m referring to vintage, pier-inspired, novelty games. Where else can you dial a ‘love-line’ and have air come out of the phone like breath? Where else can you probe an alien only for the machine to sprout levers and prod you right back? Where else can you play space tennis by peddling a bike?

My friend and I laughed so hard that snot flew out of our noses.

Me: ‘now I’m an adult I like steam mops and signing petitions’
Also me: *behaves like a rabid child for thirty minutes straight*

Next on the agenda – shopping. If, like me, your go-to-style is ‘messy bun and dressing gown’ then London is a great place to learn about fashion. Thankfully these mannequins were on hand to help.

Me: *gets one tit out and makes it clear I don’t want anyone to notice*

One of the best things about a weekend break is taking in real world sights. Not being glued to your phone. Time away from social media.

So, here’s a photo I took on my iPhone of an emoji shower at Tottenham Court Road. (Shortly after this I lost my friend because I was too busy looking at my phone).

Bliss.

Obligatory pub stop for a pint and a photo with a dog I’d just met.

But the BEST thing about visiting London is staying with my friend. It’s not the brunches or the fashion shops (okay sometimes it’s the brunches and the fashion shops). It’s the little act of kindness we do for each other. I embarrass her endlessly, and she makes me a cup of tea every morning while I’m in the shower so I can enjoy it for when I’m getting ready.

Then we wander around the city doing a whole lot of nothing other than being in each other’s company.

*Takes a moment to enjoy genuine human connection*

RIGHT, enough of that. If you don’t mind me, I’m off to see what trouble I can cause in a different city.