The Dictionary

Contains language

You know you’re an adult when you acquire random items.

But you know you’re truly an adult when you put these items in your home, forget about them and nobody questions where they came from.

Me: ‘I like to keep the house minimal and clean’

Mum: ‘Here’s a random bag of crap I don’t want, so I’m gifting it to you’

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Riona O Connor (@rionaoconnor_)

It was only the other day when I was doing a tidy-up that I came across one of my favourite items – a family heirloom.

No, this heirloom is not an expensive piece of jewellery or an Antique’s Roadshow worthy article. It is, in fact, a dictionary which opens at the word f***.

(And still to this day is the best hand-me-down I’ve ever received).

It was passed down from my nana to my mother and now onto me, where it lives proudly on my bookshelf and acts as a great party piece … for all those wild parties I have … where I ask everyone to leave at 9pm. (I’m starting to understand why I was gifted a dictionary).

This heirloom came to open at the word f*** due to its spine bending out of shape. Bit rude really given that I have scolisis.

What’s more entertaining than simply receiving this heirloom is how deadpan my mother asked me the question when we were going through my nana’s things all those years ago. ‘Now darling, would you like the dictionary that opens at f*** or a Burberry coat?’

Sorry fashionistas, I gave the coat to charity and kept the dictionary – I don’t know who I think I am.

Interestingly, this dictionary is not the only item of its kind in our family. A disapproving relative formed a habit of scribbling out swear words in novels, leaving us to play ‘spot the missing f***’. Much more exciting than Scrabble.

I am proud to be the owner of this heirloom. It sort of feels like my nana is laughing at me, jovially. I once saw her as a wise owl who held the answers to everything. Now I am an adult, I realise there are no answers to anything. Nothing symbolises adulthood more than a dictionary which opens at the word f***.

Hopefully one day I can pass this on to an appreciative younger family member. For now, there is my dog. And let’s be honest, he’ll probably eat it.

Happy gift receiving everyone!