BRB, off to build better boundaries

You know you’re an adult when therapy becomes your number one hobby.

But you know you’re truly an adult when these therapy sessions unearth generational trauma and a pattern of unhealthy relationships that aren’t doing your life any favours.

Me: reckon I have my sh*t together 80% of the time

The other 20%: FFS I’m a walking Instagram meme

The phrases for these patterns have become fashionable recently, as generations use social media and humour as coping mechanisms.

As someone who writes a blog which very much falls into this category, it’s not lost on me that while it’s important to laugh at myself – it’s vital to be self-aware and not trivialise things which may seriously be impacting my life.

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We all have demons buried deep – ones that rear their ugly head at the most inconvenient of times.

This happened to me recently when, in true Fleabag style, I decided that all of my problems could only be down to my sexuality.

(After embarrassing deliberation and support from friends and family members, I came to the conclusion that I am definitely straight. It was possibly the worst not-coming-out party you’ve ever witnessed).

The truth is, I was reacting poorly to a set of circumstances in my life that I was struggling to cope with.

Without the tools to fully address my issues, I found myself stuck.

I am now hoping my spiral will one day become a funny anecdote – you know, once we’ve recovered.

#toosoon?

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Me: what’s worse for your self-esteem than pole dancing to validate yourself sexually?

Also me: having to quit because you’re sh*t at it.

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It is our responsibility as adults to understand how and why we react to things in the way that we do. So, after a stark wake-up call, I made the decision that if my life is to continue then I need to face my demons head on.

Totally wish I was one of those people who just angrily blames everyone else for their own issues. Seems much more fun.

I don’t know if you’ve ever looked inwardly. It’s not easy. It’s hurtful, especially for my husband who has had to step away from playing Call of Duty to partake in a man’s favourite activity – communicating.

But learning about yourself – feelings and flaws and all – is incredibly liberating.

I started writing this blog in my 20s when life was chaotic. But if chaos is following you around there comes a point when you realise there are greater things to lose.

So, it’s time to see that in adulthood there is no other option but to take responsibility for ourselves – and be accountable. Because if we don’t deal with our insecurities and our deep-rooted issues, they will catch up on us.

In pockets of hope, there is a future. Under the rain clouds that too frequently appear overhead, there is the chance to grow.